Tuesday, April 3:

10:49 a.m. An Old Sudbury Road resident walked into the station to report a case of identity theft.

“And you are?”

Monday, April 9:

8:10 a.m. A caller reported the bunkers on the Nike site left open after construction work.

Upon further inspection, it turned out we had nuked Framingham.

2:15 p.m. Alarm, Whispering Lane.

An alarm. On Whispering Lane. The joke writes itself.

Wednesday, April 11

2:05 p.m. A Commonwealth Road caller reported finding a license plate.

“And there’s one on the back of my car, too!”

Monday, April 16

12:01 a.m. A Lincoln Road caller reported a large dead fish left on their doorstep.

I can’t write anything funnier than that.

Saturday, April 21

11:05 a.m. Police arrested Richard Harlow-Powell, 23, of 13 Silver St., Salem, on charges of possession of a class D drug (marijuana) and failure to wear a seatbelt.

“Dude – we were totally cool with the pot. But no seatbelt? Get in the cruiser.”

Saturday, May 19

11:49 p.m. A Barney Hill Road caller reported a large amount of youths exiting her home as she came home.

Given the hour, I’m gonna guess the caller was a mom who was supposed to be gone until Sunday, May 20.